February 23, 2010

Patience

I didn't used to see myself as a patient person, but something I was told the other month made me re-evaluate that... they said that (in the context of teaching) I was the most patient person they knew. Blew my mind... me? Patient? Hah!

But then I thought about it and yes, I was patient, amazingly so, when it came to people. In other contexts not so much -- my phone died on me yesterday and my first instinct was to dash it against the ground until all the pieces flew out.

And also, with machines, I can be patient too - fixing wifi, debugging code, a huge number of my vocational (and sometimes avocational) tasks require, absolutely DEMAND, that I slow down and work carefully through the problem.

Maybe I've simply learned how to take things slowly, to work on each detail as it comes up and not try to rush through it, simply because I have to, to be a computer programmer.

I feel that part of my success is because I keep my eye on the ultimate goal at all times -- what is it I want to achieve from this interaction? And then I can evaluate my instincts and responses against that goal.

When I am working with people, I think of it like this -- would I rather be RIGHT, or would I rather be FRIENDS? If I feel someone needs correcting, or informing, or adjusting -- do I want to go about this task with the goal of being right and feeling justified, or do I want to approach it in a way that keeps that person a friend, that doesn't do damage to them?

Likewise, if someone is getting all up in my nose about something (justified or not), do I want to put up my armour and assume a fighting stance, smack 'em around a bit to show 'em who they are messing with? Or will my long-term goal for the relationship be better served by slowing down, rolling with the punches, and then taking the time to work out a more measured response?

Yeah, sometimes it means being humble when I'd much rather be aggressive; I'm good at aggressive, and I have a vicious repartee when I choose to use it; and I've used it in the past... and usually regretted it. I LIKE to fight, I enjoy a tussle, but I try to keep my battles to the death in the realm of projects and inanimate objects, and not with my friends and associates.

Because I really like my friends and, while we have difference of approach or opinion from time to time, I'd rather keep them as friends rather than be "right" a lot and then have to find new ones.


Posted by Edwin at February 23, 2010 08:44 AM
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